I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. & it's not the usual sad love song where he cheated. It was more of a "why do you keep doing what I asked you not to do?" I mean, he & I still hug & kiss. But technically we aren't together. I just don't know if I'm ready to accept the emotional stress that comes along with having a boyfriend. Also I'm going back to Lousiana for the summer, and I won't be back until August, & he's screwing up already. Siiigh.

In other news: I'm planning on finding a summer job. I'm actually looking foward to going back home; although, I'm being "forced against my will." (I'm not really being forced, I'm just talking.)

Also, I'm obsessed with this man:

Yummy (:

Looking foward to FREEDOM! Haha, I'm just blabbing. I had to get that off of my chest. But I love his voice, he can really spit a lyric. Not to mention he has the body of a BEAST <3 Anyway, peace love & happiness. xD

Set my clocks early, cus ya know I'm always late(:

Okay so on Friday, when I was blogging & sitting next to my boyfriend, I was actually sitting in his lap. Nothing bad or anything, he had his arm around me & it was practically a lovey dovey sweet thing. So the chick sitting behind me starts throwing paper balls at me. & I look around & I'm like "What's wrong with you?!" & she goes "Get off his lap, you nasty hoe!" & OMG. I'm not the one to be in any kind of drama. But she (& A LOT of other people) take my kindness for weakness. They assume because I'm so nice, & happy that they can treat/talk to me any kind of way. I was sooo ready to snatch her hair. It was so immature, I don't know this girl, I don't talk to this girl...I was going to hurt her. :/

But, Jalen held me down & he made me calm down before speaking. But I was really mad.

Every time I think about it, I get pissed. I mean, who does stuff like that?

In other news, I cleaned my room. Well, I pretty much purged it. I started at around 12:30 after we just came from church & didn't finish until about 10:30 that night. On top of that, I have two assignments to complete, & a research paper & I'm still not done with my room.

On Saturday, mommy & I went shopping. I did really well. I only spent $45. (: Also, I'm looking to give some of the things I emptied out of my room to some local thrift stores. I have every Seventeen issue from the past two years, some lucky teenager is going to be happy. Lol.

At Target, I got two lovely new journals. Um, I have nothing else to blog about. Please comment.<3

I'll be back later. Peace.

Btw, Happy Easter(:

We made up.

But there are a lot of things I need to start thinking about other than just Jalen. Like my mom says I spend too much time worrying about other things than just myself. Well imaginary people inside my head that I assume read this blog: how can I fix this. . .its like I go too far out my way, as my mom says "in order for people to like me". & I have a hard time accepting that. But, she says its the truth. & you know what they say, Mama knows best.

I love Jalen with all my heart, he's the best thing to ever happen to me, as any young teenager. But there are a lot better things I could be doing. Oh, I found out I'm unable to do cheer :'/. I was so sad & disappointed. I'm actually sitting next to him, right now, in 4th block. He's harassing his friend. He's so silly. Little things like that make my day. (Like, right now, he can't tie a shoe :P) He's the most adorable thing in the world to me. "How you doin', sweety?" Hehe.

Well, I guess I'll take my time, one day at a time, ya know. Well, I'll be on my way. Peace.

He's been ignoring me all day

Uhg. This is soooo upsetting. I'm at school & it's second block, I haven't seen or talked to him at all today. I can't believe he's not talking to me. I can't believe I actually have to avoid him like this. What kind of love is that? I know I don't need him. I know that a boy isn't everything, but he is the love of my life. It hurts sooo much to not see his face, or to kiss his lips. At first, it was me wanting to do the breaking up. & now I think he wants to. Idk what to do. He's the love of my life. I love him with all my heart. I know I should focus more on other things, like school, and work, & possible cheerleading. Btw, I still don't know if I'm able to cheer. But you don't get it. At first, I didn't care. I figured we'd be over it by this morning. But he really is avoiding me. This SUCKS. Omg, I wanna break down & cry, but apart of me says that I'm better than that. Wayyy better than that. I'm a young woman. I'm strong, I can do anything & I don't need him to complete me. Life will go on.

Now if only I can say all those things & beleive it. Gotta go.

I'm so sad.

Uhg :/

It all started when I was sucking on Jalen's neck. Then I pulled away & shouted "Haha, you have a hickey!" but I was only joking. & he laughed it off. So I kept going & he enjoyed it, he didn't tell me to stop, so once he did get tired of it, he was like "Okay, enough." & when I pulled away, his skin was red. Then I was really like "Oh, baby look, you do have a hickey." & I smiled. & he's like "Oh." & C* goes "Ohhh, you gotta hickey." & it was all fun & games until I took a picture & showed it to him. Tell me why the child gets upset. :/

All I do is poor myself out to him & all he does is throw it back in my face. I wasn't doing this as a sexual gesture. It was more of an "i love you so much type thing" than anything. I always try to show how much I appreciate him & what do I get in return? A pissed off boyfriend. Lame, right. I know.

I was already kind of upset with the dilemma that I might have broken up with him. But he proved his sincerity, now THIS. He didn't even walk me back to my locker. & after I left my locker he didn't talk to me. So, I left & got on the bus. I figured it'd be pretty childish to not talk to him in the morning, but we'll see. It all depends on his behavior. I'm already fighting that "not getting the emotional spark (anymore)" thing. Siiiigh.

In other news, Monica A.* wouldn't accept my apology. How childish. Obviously, she doesn't care. So why should I? & I talked to Amber*; everything has been worked out. We're back speaking, but we are keeping distance.

Also, I'm interested in trying out for cheer-leading. (: But because of school standards, I may not be able to. I won't know until this afternoon. Peace.

[Edit: Mommy is doing fine, now! :D God is good.]

*names have been changed.

Some thoughts

There's no point in even trying to state an opinion toward my mom. There's also no point in trying to please people in order for them to like me. I'm also getting a "drawing away" vibe when in comes to me & my boyfriend. I love him with all my heart, I'm just not getting the typical excitement anymore. For example, when we kiss, its not as romantic as it was. & we've only been going out for six months. I guess the influence of other couples around me, breaking up is starting to take affect.

I'm also sick of everyone getting worked up over childish things. The thing between Amber & the Monicas have officially been squashed. Just now, when I tried to apologize to Monica A. she refused to talk to me, because of another incident that took place the other day.

But being black & being in the environment of black children, you witness immaturity of others who act as if they must fight, or prove their point by making smart remarks & acts of stuppidy. It's all dumb to me. So what if I caught an attitude with you? It's your fault for talking to me in the first place, when I obviously didn't feel like being bothered. You created that monster. There's the bell. Peace.