Survey 2 ;

1. First thing you wash in the shower? my face.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie? white.
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yes<3
4.Do you plan outfits? sometimes.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? sick! :'(
6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? a city school handbook.
7. Do you say aim or a-i-m? aim.
8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? it's too long. lol
9. Did you meet anybody new today? yes? i think.
10. What are you craving right now? sleep. :/
11. Do you floss? yes.
12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? lettuce.
13. When was the last time you talked on aim? a long time ago, I don't use aim.
14. Are you emotional? yes.
15. Would you dance to the taco song? yes, bc I love tacos (:
16. Have you ever counted to 1,000? idk. . . ?
17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? lick, ew! I can't bite it. my teeth feel cold & funny. it bothers me.
18. Do you like your hair? sometimes.
19. Do you like yourself? most of the time.
20. Have you ever met a celebrity? yes.
21. Do you like cottage cheese? ew, no.
22. What are you listening to right now? people in class talking. the first one I distinguish is Jalen (:
23. How many countries have you visited? none, other than the us. & wonderland :D
24. Are your parents strict? OMG. ARE THEY. Yes, like really strict :(
25. Would you go sky diving? no!
26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? no.
27. Would you throw potatoes at him? yes.
28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? my pencil.
29. Have you ever been in a castle? my room is the castle bc i'm the princess (:
30. Do you rent movies often? nah.
31. Who sits in behind you in your math class? my best friend, kaysy(:
32. Have you made a prank phone call? no. . . ? idk.
33. Do you own a gun? a water gun.
34. Can you count backwards from 74? yes?
35. Who are you going to be with tonight? me, myself & i. & my bed.
36. Brown or white eggs? white.
37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? nope, i'm not allowed to shop there.
38. Ever been on a train? those birthday trains (:
39. Ever been in love? currently am <3
40. Do you have a cell-phone? yes.
41. Are you too forgiving? yes. :/
42. Do you use chap stick? i be on that carmex. lol. :p
43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow? moaning, for sure. :p
44. Can you use chop sticks? nope.
45. Ever have cream puffs? haha.
46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? hells no ?
47. What was the last question you asked? "what's that thing?"
48. What was the last CD you bought? chris brown's last cd, lol. in 2008.
49. Boys or girls? boys.
50. What is your bus number for school? 50.
51. Is your hair curly? right now is.
52. Last time you cried? this week?
53. Ever walked into a wall? yes!
54. Do looks matter? not really? idk. . .
55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun? no, but i want these shoes. o-o;
56. Have you ever slapped someone? YES, & I'M ABOUT TO RIGHT NOW . . . (: ( love you, Jalen ;p]
57. Favorite time of the year? christmas.
58. Favorite color? pink(:
59. Are you sarcastic? sometimes.
60. Do you have any tattoos? nope.
61. The last person you held hands with? jalen.
62. Do you sleep with the TV on? no .
63. Where was your default picture taken at? my room .
64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? yes. . .
65. Do you like your life right now? i'm alive, aren't i ?
66. How often do you talk on the phone? quite often.
67. What is your favorite animal? doggies.
68. What was the most recent thing you bought? lunch.
69. Do you have good vision? 20/15 (:
70. Can you hula hoop? yes.
71. Could you ever forgive a cheater? no :/
72. Do you have a job? no .
73. Can you handle the truth? uhg.
74. What are you wearing? clothes.
75. Have you ever crawled through a window? no.

He's been ignoring me all day

Uhg. This is soooo upsetting. I'm at school & it's second block, I haven't seen or talked to him at all today. I can't believe he's not talking to me. I can't believe I actually have to avoid him like this. What kind of love is that? I know I don't need him. I know that a boy isn't everything, but he is the love of my life. It hurts sooo much to not see his face, or to kiss his lips. At first, it was me wanting to do the breaking up. & now I think he wants to. Idk what to do. He's the love of my life. I love him with all my heart. I know I should focus more on other things, like school, and work, & possible cheerleading. Btw, I still don't know if I'm able to cheer. But you don't get it. At first, I didn't care. I figured we'd be over it by this morning. But he really is avoiding me. This SUCKS. Omg, I wanna break down & cry, but apart of me says that I'm better than that. Wayyy better than that. I'm a young woman. I'm strong, I can do anything & I don't need him to complete me. Life will go on.

Now if only I can say all those things & beleive it. Gotta go.

I'm so sad.

Uhg :/

It all started when I was sucking on Jalen's neck. Then I pulled away & shouted "Haha, you have a hickey!" but I was only joking. & he laughed it off. So I kept going & he enjoyed it, he didn't tell me to stop, so once he did get tired of it, he was like "Okay, enough." & when I pulled away, his skin was red. Then I was really like "Oh, baby look, you do have a hickey." & I smiled. & he's like "Oh." & C* goes "Ohhh, you gotta hickey." & it was all fun & games until I took a picture & showed it to him. Tell me why the child gets upset. :/

All I do is poor myself out to him & all he does is throw it back in my face. I wasn't doing this as a sexual gesture. It was more of an "i love you so much type thing" than anything. I always try to show how much I appreciate him & what do I get in return? A pissed off boyfriend. Lame, right. I know.

I was already kind of upset with the dilemma that I might have broken up with him. But he proved his sincerity, now THIS. He didn't even walk me back to my locker. & after I left my locker he didn't talk to me. So, I left & got on the bus. I figured it'd be pretty childish to not talk to him in the morning, but we'll see. It all depends on his behavior. I'm already fighting that "not getting the emotional spark (anymore)" thing. Siiiigh.

In other news, Monica A.* wouldn't accept my apology. How childish. Obviously, she doesn't care. So why should I? & I talked to Amber*; everything has been worked out. We're back speaking, but we are keeping distance.

Also, I'm interested in trying out for cheer-leading. (: But because of school standards, I may not be able to. I won't know until this afternoon. Peace.

[Edit: Mommy is doing fine, now! :D God is good.]

*names have been changed.

Some thoughts

There's no point in even trying to state an opinion toward my mom. There's also no point in trying to please people in order for them to like me. I'm also getting a "drawing away" vibe when in comes to me & my boyfriend. I love him with all my heart, I'm just not getting the typical excitement anymore. For example, when we kiss, its not as romantic as it was. & we've only been going out for six months. I guess the influence of other couples around me, breaking up is starting to take affect.

I'm also sick of everyone getting worked up over childish things. The thing between Amber & the Monicas have officially been squashed. Just now, when I tried to apologize to Monica A. she refused to talk to me, because of another incident that took place the other day.

But being black & being in the environment of black children, you witness immaturity of others who act as if they must fight, or prove their point by making smart remarks & acts of stuppidy. It's all dumb to me. So what if I caught an attitude with you? It's your fault for talking to me in the first place, when I obviously didn't feel like being bothered. You created that monster. There's the bell. Peace.

Only 5 minutes

I only have five minutes to do this. I may return later. Idk. I'm just bored. . .& confused. & fustrated. No one really knows. If only you can take a walk through my mind. Remember what I said about that girl? (Amber.) Well someone told her that I said my friends & I want to jump her. & now this girl I'm supposedly "cool with" is mad at me for something I said about her boyfriend two months ago. That I admitted he liked me last year, wayyy before they started dating. WHO CARES?! This is SOOOO childish. & frustrating. It's been on my mind all weekend, but my mother has been sick, so I'm hesitant on blog posts. . .she's out of work for like 3 days I think. :(

God, please have Mommy feel better )':

What I don't understand is

How can people manage to be so childish? Or how can people gather thoughts together & have intentionally have negative output. I just don't understand most people.

As a sophomore, it's almost a given that I am to be nice and set examples for those younger than I. Haha! Tell me why: I became friends with a freshman who turned her back on me. So now her & a group of freshman want to come after me & fight. FIST FIGHT.

One: I'm too classy. Two: I'm too pretty =P. & Three: what's fighting going to solve. Okay, we get rowdy in the hallway (or wherever the scene shall take place), we yell & cuss at each other for a minute, someone throws a punch, security comes & escorts us to the office, they call our mama's, we get suspended for about a week, then we come back to school. What are we supposed to do after that? Hate each other for the rest of high school? I think not.

Usually, I'm not the one to be bothered with these types of things. I usually brush them off my shoulder. I'm not giving out any names, but technically it is my fault for saying what I said. Even if I was joking. Let's just say, I said something about Monica* to Amber*. Amber & I went at it for 3 days about Monica. At the end: Monica ended up being another Monica (they have the same name, so I was talking about someone COMPLETELY different.). So now, Amber, Monica A., & Monica B. hate me & now want to fight. Sounds confusing right? Catch this: what I said just so happens to apply to both of them. HA. Who would've thought. Little 'ol me. I don't mess with anybody. I'm not one to get mad, I'm not one to curse & I'm sho' 'nuff not one to fight. I have better things to devote my time to.

So now, I'm stuck. I guess I'll ignore them for the rest of high school. (Hardy, har, aren't I funny. That's definitely NOT happening.) I know one of them is going to try to start something. But I'm over it, I've washed my hands with Person A. Some people just don't understand, & when they look back at it, they'll realize how imature it is to get worked up over something so unworth it. All because lil' 'ol Raven had a misunderstanding.

Haha, so funny. But Mommy says I let people push my buttons. Mrs. Tony said to me "He who angers you controls you." & this is a conversation I had with a boy named Dion*

Dion: (after I told him the story.) You letting her push your buttons.
Me: I know & she knows exactly what buttons to push.
Dion: Then don't have buttons.

That cut me like a two hand sword. It hit me SO deep. & I've been repeating it to myself all day. Because it's true, those buttons are mine. & I shouldn't let Amber &/or the Monica's get to me. Oh well. Lesson surely learned. Mama say to keep yo' mouth shut. This is what I get for not listening.

Mane, I need a twix. :P

* names have been changed.